Women: They captivate us. They inspire us. They confuse the shit out of us. We love them and love being around them, but sometimes we have no idea what is going on when we’re with them. Here are some “womanisms” to look out for and what they really mean.
Rest assured she is anything but “fine” and you better figure out what you did real quick.
She’ll be ready when she’s ready. Find a nice comfortable place to sit. Have a beer. Watch a baseball game. This is going to be the longest five minutes in the history of history.
Georgie Pauwels/FlickrDon’t fall for it. She absolutely cares. Get ready for a game of “either or”. Pro Tip: Try the A or B method. Think of two options in your head, one being A and one being B. Then ask her A or B and go with what she picks. Of course, then she’ll want to know what the other option was. The rabbit hole just keeps getting deeper.
Nicu Buculei/FlickrWhatever it is, don’t. Just don’t. This is essentially a dare and it’s one you don’t want to take.
Tina Franklin/FlickrThis is not a thank you. This means you just did something she really doesn’t appreciate and your ignorant man-self was totally oblivious. Once again, if you don’t want to be sleeping on the couch, or with the fishes in extreme cases, you better do a mental check list real quick.
Themeplus/FlickrI know we’ve all been subjected to this nightmare. Is there really a right answer to this question? I have no idea. Your best bet is to avoid the question all together and just compliment her.
Mrhayata/FlickrIf this doesn’t send a red flag up, as well as serious chills down your spine, brother, you are absolutely out of your depth. She’s partially right though, don’t worry about it—FIX IT. This might be one of those times it’s less important to win the argument and more important to give it to her.
Emily Poisel/FlickrYou know something is wrong. It’s written all over her face. So you ask and this is her reply. Whatever you do, don’t say, “OK” and go back to chugging your beer. She may need a little time to figure things out in her head, but that’s not a pass for you to just blow it off. Stay attentive, even if for your own safety. This is dangerously close to “I’m fine”, but don’t be fooled.
DO. NOT. MAKE. FUN. OF. HER. She might be feeling a little self-conscious or bloated (which could mean things are about to get rough for a few days). She might just enjoy salads. The fact is, you’ll never know the difference. Err on the side of caution.
Benjamin Thomas/FlickrThis is one that pops up later in the relationship. Newsflash: “love” and “like” have dramatically different connotations. She probably knows you love her, but she’s not feeling particularly close to you or important to you. Talk to her. It might be time to surprise her with flowers or candy or even better, a massage.
