Despite largely being broadcast at twilight, it can’t have escaped your notice that the Olympics has rolled around again. As well as making us feel all those warm emotions like inspired, touched, patriotic, hopeful etc., it is also a chance for you to feel massively inadequate about your sporting and/or life achievements. Nothing puts your life in perspective like watching a 16 year old win gold medals whilst you steadily make your way through an entire bag of giant bbq Hula Hoops.

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To help you cope with your sporting shortcomings, here are some of the funniest things to have happened in Rio so far. Remember: just because you are the world number 1, doesn’t mean you can’t still bugger it up.

Like this guy, Sun Yang, who won the 200m freestyle gold medal for China and in process forgot he didn’t have the practise of lobbing bits of kit into crowds that Jamie Vardy does, and did this:

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If there was a swimming cap hurling accuracy Olympics, Sun would not shine.

Or this lifeguard, who owing to legal requirements had to sit alongside the pool and watch now 21 time gold medalist Michael Phelps take on the pool like Poseidon whilst feeling exceptionally useless:

Take USA gold medalist Lily King, who nobly attempted to take down her Russian competitor who had previously been excluded for drug doping:

Whilst you can’t help but be on King’s side, we can’t help but feel this back and forth finger waving isn’t the most badass statement for an Olympian to make.

Someone who did make a statement? Nacif Elias of Lebanon who was disqualified from the Judo for some very technical-sounding fault. Did Elias take it sitting down? Yes, he refused to leave the mat, buried his head into the floor, avoided shaking hands with his opponent before screaming into the camera “I was robbed, this is not judo.”

Which does lead you to question which sport exactly he thought he’d been competing in.

He later returned tail between his legs and apologized. Saying it “was not behaviour befitting an athlete.” Or a child.

His anger was counterbalanced by the joy of Chinese swimmer Fu Yuanhui. The backstroke finalist managed to get out the pool, grab a towel and get halfway through an interview without even realizing she had won an Olympic medal.

Watch the jubilation in her face as she finds out the actual time she had swum, which you’d think you might check having spent years preparing for this moment on the world stage. The transformation of emotions is truly Shakespearian:

“Third?! I did not know! Well this is not bad at all!” Not bad at all.

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Another case of athletes not paying attention, this time in the boxing where this Chinese athlete thinks he has won, celebrates and then in an act of Olympic-level stealth attempts to turn it into a congratulatory hug:

Elsewhere this masterful 16 year old table tennis champ has made everyone feel like they might have missed their potential:

Especially when some many of the population can’t even work out if they’re watching live television or not:

Usain Bolt’s press conference provided further comedy gold as he was seen doing a conga line in the midst of a pack of bikini clad women:

Phelps gave us even more to laugh about whilst cracking up on the podium receiving yet another gold medal. “My boys from Baltimore were down on the other end,” he explained, “And back in Maryland, we all say “O!” for the Orioles during that part of the National Anthem. And all of the sudden I hear them roar “O!” and I knew exactly where I came from.”

Oh to be part of Michael Phelps’ private jokes.

And lastly, Simone Biles won gold last night and the internet responded with hilarious depictions of how insufficient it felt in comparison:

It won’t be long until we’re all doing that when we get a free seat on the subway.


Esquire (UK)